Don't Need You: A Brother's Best Friend Romance (We Shouldn't Book 3) Read online

  Kit gulps, his jaw twitching. His eyes, so soft a moment ago, grow hard.

  I close my eyes. “He started drinking a lot more, doing drugs when he was out partying. It was like a switch flipped. Our relationship…I don’t know what happened. He’d come home angry. He—” My breath trembles, and I close my eyes, remembering the nights he’d crawl on top of me, stinking of alcohol. “It was tough. Our relationship disintegrated, but I was too afraid to leave while I had the baby. Word got out—I told my mom, and she must have told the whole neighborhood—and Angelo started acting like he was happy about the pregnancy.”

  I open my eyes again as Kit slides a hand over my thigh. There’s nothing but openness in his face. I take a deep breath. “I lost the baby, then. I don’t know why. Maybe stress, or fear, or…I don’t know. It happened, and it crushed me.” Guilt washes over me as I remember that time in my life. It was so long ago yet it has always felt fresh. I suspect it always will. “A part of me thought things between me and Angelo would get better. Like now that there was no baby, we could go back to the way things were.”

  “But they didn’t,” Kit says softly.

  I shake my head. “They only got worse. And I didn’t know how to deal with the guilt and the embarrassment and the pity from everyone around. And Angelo started putting on this act, like he was so loving in public and the martyr boyfriend who had wanted to be a dad. It…it fucked me up. I didn’t know what was real or not. My head was a mess. I didn’t trust myself, or my instincts, or my feelings.”

  Kit’s hand tightens on my thigh, but he doesn’t say anything. He just listens—and for that, my love for him grows.

  Gulping, I lift my eyes to meet Kit’s. “I don’t know if I can have kids, Kit. I don’t know if it’s in the cards for me. The doctor said miscarriages are common, especially so early in the pregnancy, but I don’t know. I felt like a failure, and it never happened again.” I put my hand over his, steeling myself to say the thing that has tortured me ever since I met Kit. “I don’t want to be the reason you can’t have kids of your own, Kit.”

  Tears flow down my cheeks as Kit’s eyes widen.

  I gulp. “I don’t know if it’ll ever happen to me, and I know we have these feelings, but I don’t know if I can ever give you what you want. Not only that, but I don’t know if I can handle going through that again. Sometimes, I think I’m better off not having kids at all. The loss is too painful. It’s been six years, and it still makes me cry.”

  There’s a moment of silence between us, as my words settle over Kit. I watch him grapple with my revelations, emotions closely guarded behind his face. Then, in an instant, the facade breaks.

  “Serena,” he says, exhaling a whoosh of air. His arms circle around me, pulling me onto his lap. His hands run over my back, my shoulders, up my neck to cup my face. I’m crying now. I can’t stop it. He kisses my tears, whispering my name over and over again.

  “Serena,” he finally says, pulling away. “No. No, no, no. Don’t think that. Don’t feel like you’re not enough because you had one lost pregnancy. That’s not why I love you. It’s not why I’ve been lost without you for the past six weeks. It’s not because of your childbearing capacity that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.” He holds my face, staring deep into my eyes. “I. Love. You. Not your womb, you hear me?”

  I snort, trying to laugh but crying too hard.

  “Do you understand? Do you understand what I’m telling you? You are good enough without any children. I want you. I’m not ready for kids, anyway. Eventually, sure, but now? No way!”

  Relief washes over me like I’ve never experienced. Kit’s face is so earnest, his words so perfect, that all the guilt I’ve held onto just breaks away. Running my hand up Kit’s cheek, I let out a long breath, and with it, all my fears.

  I’ve wasted so many years thinking I wasn’t good enough. I’ve been broken and cut down, and I thought Kit would only see that version of me. Instead, Kit sees me for who I am. Truly.

  “I want to take things slow,” I say. “My feelings are so strong for you, Kit, and I want to move to Woodvale, but I don’t want kids right now. I don’t want to get married right now. I just…I need time. I don’t even know how much time. It might take years for me to heal. Therapy. I don’t know.”

  “I get it,” Kit says, and I believe him. He knows I’ve been broken. Ten years with Angelo ruined me, and it might take another ten years to fix myself up again. “I’ll be here,” he says softly, tilting his head toward mine.

  When his lips touch mine, I give myself over to his kiss. I melt into his arms, opening myself up to the love I didn’t think I deserved. I cling onto his shoulders, knowing that this is exactly where I belong.

  Scooping me up, Kit carries me to the bedroom. He lays me on the bed, pressing his body on top of mine. One hand runs down my side as our kiss becomes deeper. More insistent. Needy.

  I realize, then, that Kit needs me as much as I need him. I wasn’t helping him by pushing him away. I was hurting him. The last remnants of my armor dissolve away, and I’m completely his.

  Tearing at his shirt, I start to unbutton it. I need him to know, now. I need him to understand what he does to me. My heart. My body. I need to feel his skin beneath my palms, and finally feel him inside me. This needs to be consecrated. We need to be one.

  My breath is shallow. “Has anyone ever told you how good you look in your pilot’s uniform?”

  “Tell me.”

  “It’s hard to control myself.” I undo the last button, pushing his shirt off his shoulders and tearing at his undershirt.

  “No one asked you to control yourself.” He hovers over me and I let my hands roam over his hard, beautiful body. His eyes are soft, like he’s drinking this moment in. My breath catches as my fingers trail lower, hooking into his belt as I start to unbuckle it.

  “You’re beautiful, angel,” Kit says, kissing my neck. His breath is warm and sweet, and it sends goosebumps rushing over my skin. Kit slides his hands beneath my shirt, taking it off and letting it fall to the floor on top of his. With darkening eyes, he surveys my body. I’ve pulled his belt out of the buckle now, and my hands claw at his zipper.

  “I want to enjoy this, Serena,” Kit says, putting his hands over mine to still them.

  “You can enjoy it every day for all of eternity. Right now, I need to feel you. All of you.”

  I need it so badly I can hardly explain it. All the emotion inside me, all the worries and fears, they’ve come to a head, and there’s a sort of desperate insistency inside me. I need something physical to take the edge off my emotions.

  Kit. I need Kit.

  He groans, dropping his lips to mine once more. His kiss is harder now, bruising my lips as he drags his tongue across mine. His hands grip me, sinking into my flesh as he tears my bra off and cups my breasts. I love hearing him grunt and moan as he touches new parts of my body, his hands sweeping fire across my skin.

  It’s been nearly four months since I first met him. Four months of holding back. Of wanting, but thinking I shouldn’t. Of needing him, but pretending I don’t.

  I’m sick of holding back. My teeth scrape across Kit’s shoulder as he groans, dropping kisses all the way down to my navel. His fingers work to unfasten my pants, and he tears them down my legs before running his warm, strong hands back up to my thighs.

  I pout, reaching for the fly of his pants. “It’s not fair for me to be naked and you to be clothed,” I say.

  Kit grins, spreading my legs with his hands. “I’ll make it fair,” he responds, dropping his head to the apex of my thighs. I arch my back, gasping as he kisses me down there.

  This time, when he makes me come with his mouth, I don’t compare him to anyone. I melt in his arms, knowing I belong to only him. My past is behind me, and the only thing that matters is the gorgeous, strong, sensitive man in bed with me.

  When I scream his name, tangling my fingers in his hair and grinding against his teasing lips, he lifts h
is head and looks at me with a grin. He licks his lips, letting out a satisfied sigh.

  “Now, I’m ready,” he whispers, laying a soft kiss in the crook of my hip. He slides off the bed and strips his pants off, letting them drop to the floor with a soft thunk.

  His cock is long, and thick, and gorgeous. Oh, I need it. Please. Right now. A bead of moisture glistens at its swollen tip, and I lick my lips at the sight. When Kit wraps his strong hand around it, my core tightens in anticipation.

  His eyes are dark when he kneels on the bed between my legs. He drags his shaft over my wetness, letting out a soft growl. “I’ve been dreaming of this,” he admits.

  “Me too,” I whisper, bucking my hips toward him.

  Kit moves slowly, deliberately. “I should get a condom,” he says, his eyes lingering on the space between my legs. With one hand still on his cock, he drags the fingers of his other hand through my folds. I shiver, letting a moan slip through my lips when his fingers enter me.

  “I’m on the pill,” I say, vaguely aware that I should probably be more responsible. But in the depths of my heart, I know Kit is the only man I want to sleep with. Why shouldn’t we feel things the way they’re meant to be felt?

  “Are you sure?” Kit’s breath catches, his cock throbbing against me. “I haven’t been with anyone since I met you, Serena. I’m clean. I want…” He sucks in a breath, dropping his eyes between my legs.

  I hold back a whimper when I feel it, needing his thickness inside of me. “Yes. I’m sure. Me too.”

  When I suck my lip between my teeth, Kit lets out a low growl. He positions himself at my entrance, then thrusts. It’s merciless, pushing inside me until I’m speared on his length. My body screams and stretches as the breath is stolen from my lungs, my mouth open in a silent cry.

  Kit drops his lips to my neck, my breast. “You okay?”

  Rocking my hips, I moan in response. “More,” I pant. “I want more.”

  Kit groans, as if my words unlock some primal part of him. Kit drags his length out of me, leaving me empty and craving, then drives himself even deeper. I arch my back, screaming out loud this time, reaching out to cling to his strong arms. I hang off him, rocking myself against him as he drops his chest to mine, thrusting deep and hard until I see stars.

  “You’re mine, Serena,” he pants in my ear. “Do you understand?”

  “Yours,” I say, eyes squeezed shut, pleasure rocking through my body as I try my best to hold on.

  “Always.”

  “Always,” I repeat, unable to do anything but mirror his words. Kit’s lips find mine, and he kisses me hard, lashing his tongue across mine as he sinks deep inside me, again and again and again.

  This is more than sex. It’s a vow. A promise. A contract, signed and sealed right here on his bed. When my orgasm crests, I feel like I’m reborn.

  With Kit, I’m no longer shackled to my past. I’m no longer hemmed in by the expectations of others.

  I’m free.

  Heat explodes through my core, chasing away the cold. As I come apart in his arms, I know the chill is gone for good. Never again will I feel like I did before. From now on, there’s only warmth, and hope, and love.

  There’s only Kit.

  Epilogue

  Serena

  Self-worth builds slowly, over time, with much coaxing from Kit and my new friends. When I move to Woodvale permanently, I feel like a snake shedding my old skin, but remnants of my past self still remain. It’s only after many months away from New Haven—and lots of therapy—that I’m able to really let go of the thoughts and feelings that held me back for so long.

  I’m worthy. I deserve happiness. I could have a family one day—when I’m ready. For now, though, I’m happy to take things slowly. To spend time with Kit and not worry about what I should be doing or what Kit wants from the relationship.

  I know what he wants—me. He never pressures me about marriage or kids. He gives me time to heal. And for that, I’m eternally grateful.

  Kit joins the Woodvale Skydive team once again at the beginning of the summer, much to the delight of Finn, Esme, Racer, and Benji. He announces it the day Finn and Esme get engaged, and to be honest, I’m not sure what the group is happier about—Esme and Finn’s engagement, or Kit’s return to the business.

  My new friends swallow me up in their love and friendship without hesitation. It’s overwhelming at first, knowing that so many people care about each other and treat each other right. There’s no gaslighting or abuse here. There are no heavy expectations laid on by family. I feel free to pursue whatever I want to do.

  Woodvale Elementary still has a teaching position open in the fall, and they’re gracious enough to allow me to interview for it, even though I let them down in January. I think Sarah, Benji’s sister, puts in a good word for me, because she’s waiting outside the interview room when I come out. She hooks her arm into mine and leans in to my ear. “You definitely have the job.” She grins. “I’ll make sure of it.”

  It’s not until I really settle into life in Woodvale, with Kit by my side, that I realize how isolated I’d been in New Haven. I’d been surrounded by family all the time, but none of them saw me as a real, fully-formed person. I was just my mother’s daughter, or Robbie’s twin sister, or Angelo’s future-wife-slash-ex-girlfriend.

  I still love my family, of course. With Robbie working at the airline, I’m able to get flights back home often to see Nonna and the rest of the family. I’m not turning my back on them, and I don’t hate my family—I just need to figure things out for myself. I need to find my own place in the world, and I’m pretty sure I’ve found it in this small town in the Pacific Northwest.

  Four years after I move to Woodvale, Esme graduates from University and invites us out to dinner. She and Finn announce their first pregnancy, much to the delight of Kit’s stepmom, Lydia. Kit’s eyes shine, and his eyes linger on mine. I know what he’s thinking.

  He wants that, too.

  When we get home that night, Kit wraps his arms around me and holds me close, only pulling away to look into my eyes.

  I smile. “I know what you’re going to say.”

  He arches an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

  “You’re going to say you’ve been patient with me while I took things slow and settled in here, but it’s been four years. You’re ready to take this to the next level.”

  Kit laughs, shaking his head. “You don’t know me at all. I’m not going to push you into anything. I’m happy just to be with you.”

  “Well, you win.”

  He grins. “I win?”

  “I want it all, Kit. I want the wedding and the kids and the white picket fence. Everything I was running away from, I want with you.”

  “Are you proposing to me?”

  “Do you want me to get down on one knee?” I start dropping down in front of him, holding up my hands as if there’s a ring box between them. “Marry me, Kit. Be the father of my children.”

  Kit laughs, picking me up and spinning me around in a circle. He sets me down and kisses me hard, wrapping his strong arms around me as we sway from side to side, staring into each other’s eyes.

  “Is that a yes?” I grin.

  “It’s a I thought you’d never ask,” Kit replies. “I’ve had my dress picked out for years. Pinterest boards and everything.”

  I giggle, trying to swat him away, but he won’t let me go. His kiss finds my lips again, and I melt into his arms.

  I didn’t think I wanted a wedding and a big white dress. I thought I wanted to avoid all that and just stand on my own two feet. But with Kit, I realize it’s not the wedding I was afraid of—it was the loss of my sense of self. When we met, I was just beginning to recover from years of emotional abuse. I was broken and confused.

  Now I know I’ll never lose myself with Kit, because he only makes me better. Stronger. More loving and less afraid.

  I wrap my arms around my now-fiancé’s neck, letting a smile tug at my lips
. “How many kids do you want?”

  “Loads.” He grins, brushing his lips against mine. “At least six.”

  I laugh, shaking my head. “Two, max.”

  “Three,” he counters.

  A couple of years ago, this conversation would have struck fear in the depths of my heart. My mind would have spiraled, and I would have remembered the grief of my first loss. Now? It fills me with nothing but excitement.

  I purse my lips, not quite wiping the smile away. “Let’s just start with the wedding, yeah?”

  “Maybe we should have a practice round. I hear making babies is tough.” Kit hooks his arms around my legs and hauls me over his shoulder as I yelp, laughing. He carries me to the bedroom and throws me onto the bed, tearing his clothes off in a flash. I do the same, my heart thumping as I struggle to get undressed. I feel the bed shift while my shirt is stuck over my head, my arms pinned in an awkward position. Sexy and graceful, I am not.

  Kit pulls the offending shirt off as I huff, my cheeks burning.

  “I love you, Serena,” he says, tossing the shirt aside and laying a kiss on my lips. His face grows serious. “You know I was only kidding, right?”

  “About what?”

  “The kids. If it happens, it happens. If not, fine. I’m happy either way. Let’s not worry about it.”

  My heart warms. Even after all these years, when I’ve recovered from my past and shed my fears of miscarriage, Kit still cares enough to reassure me. I pull him down on top of me, letting him slide down between my legs.

  “I’m not worried about a thing,” I answer.

  “I’m worried,” Kit says in a low voice.

  “Oh yeah, about what?”

  “About how I’ll make you come at least four times tonight,” Kit says with a grin, running his hand over my mound. He drags his fingers over my clit in that way he knows I love, and I know he won’t have a problem reaching that particular goal. I sigh, giving myself to him once more.